The Ultimate List?

My mother says you know it's the right person when you feel stronger with that person, when they lift you up and you lift them up in a way that isn't possible without them. My boss wrote a list of must and must nots put it in a drawer and found it years later only to see that her husband had all but two qualities on that list. Love in a feeling hard to define or explain. Qualities, however, can be pinpointed. And they can help clarify muddy situations and confusing feelings regarding the inexplicable "love". She said I should make a list. She said it helps to focus wants and needs to have things written out, and then sent out into the open. So I did. It's not complete because it's late and i'm tired, but it's a good starting point. *deep breath* here i go...

MUST:
- be completely honest with me at all times, even if i don't want to hear it or it's scary for him/me
- be mature, intelligent and respectful
- be kind to people/have a genuine love of people
- be sympathetic and helpful to others
- have an open mind and accepting nature
- "have his shit together"
- have an appreciation of movies and music
- be able to have long talks with me into the wee hours of the night
- like random, unique, fun moments-- like dancing in the rain or taking meals to go to eat outside in the sun, even if it means sitting on the hood of the car because a park isn't around
- make me laugh
- love kids--not that he wants to have them himself, but still likes them
- be a nerd
- give me butterflies
- lovingly stroke my hair or brush it off it my face from time to time
- get my pop culture references
- have great social ability and tact
- get along with my friends and family
- have confidence in himself and his abilities/have a healthy level of self esteem
- teach me things, open my eyes to new things
- hold me tight when we sleep
- accept me and all my flaws, but also motivate me to be a better person by not being afraid to keep me in check when i need it
- allow me my independence
- be okay with my having a lot of close male friends
- trust me completely (I will never give him a reason not to)
- be a good kisser
- see and appreciate the beauty in life
- appreciate the little things
- find my quirks endearing, even if i'm annoyed with them in myself
- love me
- give me a sense of peace, belonging and comfort when i'm with him
- have that spark with me-- that unexplainable connection that bonds us

MUST NOT:
- be overly possessive, jealous or controlling
- abuse substances- have meanness in him
- settle for less than he is capable of accomplishing
- evade issues and feelings
- make me feel cheap, unwanted, taken for granted or used
- be overly cynical and/or pessimistic
- be wreckless with my heart

I wonder who wouldn't want this stuff? I mean, if everyone wrote a list... how similar would they all look?

SXSW

The festival was amazing! The entire week was hectic because I had 7 people drop in town on top of volunteering for the music part of SXSW which amounted in maybe 4 hours of sleep per night all week. However I got to meet several wonderful, kind people and enjoy their performances, too! Some of the best were Ben Harper, British Sea Power, Tom Morello, The Soundtrack of Our Lives, SYME, Bryan Scary and the Shredding Tears, Janeane Garofalo, Lewis Black, Har Mar Superstar and The Vampire Weekend. ALL these bands are worth checking out and all of them consist of super nice people! I was very impressed with Bryan Scary and the Shredding Tears though, because of their throwback to old rock and concept albums. It was very Pink Floyd in the way it was rock that told a story and used awesome sound effects to add dimension to the sound. There was also this fabulous band from Detroit, but I missed the beginning of the set where they introduced themselves so I don't have their name! I've been Googling to try and find it.

Now that spring break is over, and Spring Break provided no time for me to devote to school, I am super behind on school work. I have tomorrow and Monday off work (yay Catholic holidays) so I can hopefully get caught up.

My oh my, I miss working backstage. Energy, nice people and awesome music... it was heaven =)

Miiicheal

I know I just posted but I'm watching a movie and I think it's important to note that

THE LOST BOYS IS ONE OF THE BEST MOVIES OF ALL TIME.

I mean seriously, Jack Bauer leads a gang of teen vamps, including Bill S. Preston, Esquire ,who are ultimately defeated by the Cories all in true 1980s punk style. Pure. Genious.

I will see the sequel, knowing full well it will probably suck, if only for my love of the first.

Jessy the Demon Slayer

I am so confused. Why do things always move so quickly? I NEVER intend for them too and I ALWAYS take things as they come slowly and yet things always end up getting emotionally heavy.

Every guy I've ever been romantically involved with has mentioned marriage or a "forever" with me (though in one case he and his friends would always just joke about it so I don't much take that one seriously). Yet, only one of those boys committed to me with an official, exclusive title of boyfriend. And in the end all of them did pretty shitty things that completely hurt me. How is it someone can tell me they picture a forever but then still want to keep things open and/or hurt me in such mean ways? Do I give the wrong impression in always just letting things develop as they come? Are they all just players in the end?

It sucks. They will fall. Then I will fall and when I do it's like the reality of the situation becomes too much for them and they run, breaking my heart entirely (not to mention making me completely weary of ever opening up myself like that again).

Now he's writing me poems and telling me things that are all so sweet that I almost cry. He said I help him slay his demons. I, for some reason, give him this inner peace he can't find anywhere else. It's touching but it's too heavy. I'm not ready for heavy. I wish I could say that I won't let the past effect the present but I do. Especially when he's a part of a past that hurt me.

I understand how much he cares but I'm just so... confused. I don't want a repeat of my pattern and I'm not sure where I stand at all so his feelings are just too much right now.

I'm tired of talking/typing/thinking about this. Fin.

I heart nerds

I said our help call should be "kaloo-ka-kuuu" and as it fell silent for a second I felt that I am a nerd alone in this world and no one will ever get my humor, leaving me to forever feel that I don't quite fit in. Then he responded back "Okay, Patty". Whew. I felt happy because my friends are all nerds as well and it makes this world a happy place to live in.

P.S. The reference is from Doug

I have come to the realization that my life is a postmodern hap-dash of referencing pop culture way too often.

Holy crap, I'm Family Guy.