Peek-a-boo! I see you!

I am a mad-crazy people-watcher. Any free moment I have where I'm not listening to music, I'm people-watching. I absolutely love observing the nuances of people going about their day. It's charming. Of course, the blissful observations usually end abrubtly as I get caught watching. What follows is one of three things:

1. The person is sufficiently creeped out and darts a weird look at me.

2. The person raises eyebrows in a way to emote "your place or mine?" This reaction has gotten me into trouble many a time.

3. They pretend their eyes didn't meet mine because they were probably people-watching too. I call for an international people-watching sign akin to a sort of secret handshake. Some sort of way to convey with subtlety, "No sweat fellow observer. Keep on keeping on."

Anyyyywayyy, that's my random thought with no real conclusion or purpose.

Say what now?

That's the procedure? The needle is how long? Oh fuck no. Uh uh. I don't want to do it.

I'm at such a weird place with this. I always fear the worst and I know I shouldn't. And part of me wants to talk to my friends about it while the other part wants to keep it silent. I don't want to lay my problems on anyone and I don't want to be weak and whine. I just can't gauge how I should be reacting to any health situation anymore. I know I will eventually just suck it up and do it like a woman if it's decided it has to be done. I also know there is no way I'm a part of that tiny percentage of life-threatening cases... but for now, just for now, I'm a little scared. =/

I Get By With A Little Help From My Friends

A lot of things may bog me down but I am surrounded by such amazing friends and family which gives me the sense everything will be okay. There are several instances that I get this wonderful sense of comfort and content with these people and life just becomes clear.

double u tee eff

In the grocery store line I noticed Brittany Spears was on the cover of four magazines. What the fuck? Are we not in a war? Are we not in the middle of presidential primaries? What is wrong with journalism and why does society crave trash media to the extent that it does? Bah!

Moving slightly off topic--I would hope bad news about people sells only because it's a deviation from the norm, not because it is the norm itself.

What some good guitar riffs can do

. Today I was driving, looking at beautiful blue skies and listening to Stevie Ray on the radio and I felt my stress just melt away. It's a perfect balance because I feel in control behind the wheel and yet at the same time I can let go. The combination of sunny days and Stevie Ray always do this for me and these are my favorite moments in the day (though Hendrix and Claptin also work).

P.S. Blood tests are pretty much what I expected. Not good but not the worst it could be either.

What's up, Doc?

The doctor called. I missed it. He left a message that said we had to talk about my blood test results. My first feeling was something was wrong, followed by relief--a relief that something could be wrong. Relief because I would be forced into a hospital, forced to rest. I don't have to juggle three jobs and school and trying to please everyone and myself. They could all fuck off and I could just get some rest.

I talk to the doctor tomorrow. I'm sure everything is just fine; 90% sure even. I'm glad everything is going to be just fine. I'm more concerned that I was relieved at the thought that it might not be.